Asking the Tough Questions…

To whoever keeps finding me by googling “sexy isabel” I’d like to believe you’re looking for me. If you’re not, don’t tell me, k?

To the person who found me by googling “mystery bloating downtown” please explain yourself. Seriously, dude. What IS that?

And finally, would anyone care to explain why they call those big womens underwear “briefs”. I’d really like to know because there is nothing brief about them. They’re HUGE.

That is all.

Good Stuff This Week

Sometimes I like to post of things I’ve read elsewhere that I think are worth sharing. Some people look at this as filler, like I didn’t want to take the time to make a “real” post and there is some truth to that right now. I’ve actually been busy working on “work” stuff and also on getting my blog moved to my own domain and off of Blogger. In case you are interested, I decided to go with Movable Type because apples to apples it pleases me more than anything else I’ve looked at and I’ve seen just about everything out there. I’ll broadcast my new address as soon as I have it all sorted out.

The Goods:

• I read a great post about mean girls and one blogger’s experiences at Goosie, Mousie, Daddy & Me.

• Jess Riley posted some funny stuff about when she was a kid that made me laugh out loud

• Mel from Mama! Mama! did a Thursday 13 that also had me rolling.

• Kristen posted a a beautiful pregnancy photo and her birth story, Part 1 and Part 2. If this doesn’t make you choke up a little, then I just don’t know…

• “Blog to Riches — The Haves and Have-Nots of the Blogging Boom” is a feature in this month’s New York Magazine. I found it most interesting.

• I discovered California Dad blogger Tony’s site, Creative Types, by accident. I have to like any fellow blogger parent who feels as contemptuous about Bratz dolls as I do.

• And finally a place with lots of cool clothes and accessories for girls like me who love computers and the internet and other tech-ish things. I dig the “http” underwear.

***Check out my new renter “Kitchen Fun with Donna & Friends” Her site is comprised of zillions of recipes put together by a group and I swear, every single one I looked at sounded delicious. Please drop by and high five Donna & Friends!***

My 80’s Alter Ego

I was tagged for this by Mrs. Fortune and Kristen. So here we go! My 80’s Alter Ego is *drum roll* none other than…

Molly Ringwald (Samantha) in “Sixteen Candles”. She was a little bit of a dork but a very cool dork, she listened to great music and she was a fairly snappy dresser (considering it was the 80’s). Plus…NO BIG HAIR! I never had big, crunchy hair EVER but I do confess to having a bi-level *cringing*

Also in keeping with the 80’s theme, I was inspired by Rhonda and have decided I must buy a Smiths t-shirt just like the one I used to have. Right now.

Also…if you haven’t yet been tagged yet for My 80’s Alter Ego and you’re not a total meme hater, then consider yourself tagged. Come back and post here that yours is up so I can come read it.

Househunting or How to Become Totally Dejected in an Afternoon

Well…we’ve finally come to a decision. We need a bigger house. We’ve known this for a while (like 2 days after we bought this one) but we’ve put it off for a long time because we didn’t want to compromise on neighborhoods. You know…sell your house, take the money and buy a bigger house either in the ‘burbs and have a loooong commute or move to a bigger house in a crappier neighborhood and hope it gets better. I want another option, please, like winning the HGTV Dream Home. I enter like 300 times every year but, as you can see, the Gods of Desirable Housing have snubbed me repeatedly.

I don’t know what the housing markets are like elsewhere but let’s just say that I live in a state where you can hardly afford homeowners insurance because of hurricanes. Bearing this in mind, why, oh why, have houses nearly tripled in price here in the last four years? You’d think we were in California but we’re not. Pay scales here still suck and most jobs in this state are in the service sector, not technology or entertainment. That said, we don’t deserve to pay such high prices here. *stamping foot indignantly*

We went and looked at a few things today and I was horrified to see what $300,000 will buy you within the city limits. That is our ceiling. We can afford a little more but we don’t want to be “house poor” and we also know that as insurance and taxes continue to skyrocket here, so will our mortgage so we have drawn a line and if we are not completely disgusted by what other offerings our realtor has for us, we will stick to it.

House #1 was new construction in a bungalow style and very big and pretty but the neighborhood, while not totally ghetto, was clearly one that had not made the transition into gentrification yet. Yes, gentrification is a dirty word and I’m not supposed to like it but I do. I like when ugly, run-down neighborhoods get turned around and thus revitalize the urban core. The people who sell their houses do so by choice. Their taxes are capped at 3% so they will are never priced out of their own homes. If they choose to cash out and sell it to someone who will fix it up and take good care of it, then I have no problem with it. Unfortunately, we can’t afford any of those beautiful, already long-gentrified (and safe) neighborhoods lined with grandfather oaks and stately old homes with front porches and Victorian gingerbread. But I digress…

All the other houses we looked at were in the same area and while there might be one or two renovated and well-kept homes, there would be several more that had cars on blocks and screen doors retaining hordes of barking dogs or children in nothing but diapers (no offense but the Walmart-baby look bugs me A LOT). This is a far cry from the neighborhood I live in right now. While the homes are smaller (1200 sf on the average) most are immaculately kept and the area is safe and in the best school district in the entire county (and it’s a big county).

My chief complaint about my neighborhood is that a lot of homes have been bought by investors and are now being rented. This includes the house next door to me, which until recently, was inhabited by a family with a daughter the same age as mine. HOW SWEET IS THAT?????? We had a built-in playmate for her and a mommy friend for me. But the house sold and now we have these two single guys living there. Grown men in their early thirties that you would think had a fucking clue about how NOT to piss off your neighbors. But no, they don’t. These asswipes — ADULT asswipes, have the kind of speakers in their cars that make your windows rattle. Apparently, they have these kind of speakers in the house, too. I have gone over there SO many times asking as nicely as I can through gritted teeth that they please turn down the bass and to please not pull in or out of their driveway, which is obscenely close to my bedroom, with their bass bumpin’ out. While I appreciate their love of bass, the feeling it vibrating the interior of my nose on the other side of the house, does not generate much in the way of tolerance or good will. They always apologize and then try to get away from me as quickly as possible, which really weirds me out. I am THAT menacing? I’ve nicknamed one of them “Ears” because his ears look like a cross between Dumbo’s and Dopey the dwarf’s. I walked up on Ears the other day when he was outside and I guess I’m pretty stealth because he jumped about a foot when he saw me….lol. But really, what is the deal with grown men driving around bassing the whole world with their stereos? Is that some kind of new mating ritual or something? ‘Cause if it is, I’m NEVER getting a divorce. I’ll stay married to this one if that’s what is out there. Losers. Yick…

So anyway, I don’t know what to do but we hate having shitty renter neighbors and a small house and we also hate commuting. We hate living in the small house in the nice ‘hood but we refuse to go the “278 barking dogs and babies-in-diapers” neighborhood to get a house we actually like. Where’s the middle ground? I’m actually really kind of depressed about our options. And we can’t add on because we have laws about cutting down grandfather oaks here and we’d have to do that in order to expand this house. I love trees, too, but God… We’re completely fucked.

I’ve begged my husband to take me out here to someplace progressive and interesting where maybe we’d be able to afford a house in a decent neighborhood. I’m not sure a place like that exists but I’m willing to look for it. He’s resisted a lot until recently. He’s been making noises about someday moving to Oregon as he has friends out there that are very happy. I’d go there. Any Oregonians out there want to clue me in on what I just agreed to???

The Next Survivor Series

{Received via email; author unknown. My comments are in orange}

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money. Hubz? Are you kidding?

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Hubz would lose this round for sure.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. And this one.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. Not without me there to bug him.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. Just don’t take away his computer.

There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons. Hubz might actually win this round

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches. I’d like to see this

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing. And this

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse. And all of this

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes. Hubz might win this round if not for the “They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes” part

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name. Also the child’sweight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. He’s a goner

They must clean up after their sick children at 2am and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, “You’re not the boss of me.” Do rhymes about bodily functions count as “loving”?

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice. Are you kidding? He always has energy for that.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years…eventually earning the right to be called Mom! I give him a year.